For the month of February, I decided that I needed a mini series to help me figure out some content for this month. It dawned on me that I tend to write a post or two a year dedicated to dating and friendship topics. So on Monday’s and Wednesday’s this month, I’ll be writing about just that. Topics will range from dating experiences/advice to friendships stories and the lessons learned from both areas over the past ten years.
The buttons throughout this blog are previous blogs I’ve written on this subject.
This blog series will have moments of negativity infused with positivity, criticism, and possibly triggering subjects.
Let’s begin with a small reflection on my dating history.
Last year (March 2018), I wrote a detailed listing on my dating history and relatable topics. Link is in the button below this paragraph. The status hasn’t changed but a few lessons have been learned immensely since then (mainly about my mental & physical well being). All things considered, I’ve only been in relationships with another guy for only six months total. I’m closing in on turning 26 this summer and I didn’t start looking at partnerships until I was closing in on fifteen.
The six months worth of dating time spent thus far includes the 3-4 relationships I had throughout my high school life. For legit relationships post high school, the shortest one was three weeks and the longest one was about two and a half months. It can also be 3 months total if you don’t count high school junk. A lot of the times, I don’t include that time frame since that includes terrible experience with online dating in the age of Myspace and other social media accounts.
Over the past year, I’ve dreamed of being in truly devoted relationships but have done nothing to change my circle of friends. If anything, I’ve tightened my inner circle and have begun spending less time with friends and out partying. My ego’s a bit flared with this sentence but I am improving my health first before seeking a partner. If you look at my part-time teaching schedule and academic schedule you wouldn’t see much time available to dating . I believe you can have time for dating but I’d have to wrap up projects and get my time management together for starters.
Major themes in my friendship & dating life cycles:
Trust issues (biggest problem; been hurt too many times while also emotionally hurting others)
Intimacy dilemmas (second biggest problem)
Creating unhealthy habits/cycles
“Learning to live again” (coping with stress, anxiety, depression, and balancing another beings emotions)
Feminine- Masculine dynamics
and countless others.
My personal emotions are difficult to keep in check when around people, at times. I’ve been adopting a more reclusive, hermit lifestyle and when I’m chatting its like I’ve had this pent-up energy for days. I’ts always the “worst” on Mondays when I’ve been at home all weekend with my cat.
As a teacher, I advocate to my students to not worry about pairing up and spending school days discussing gossip and dating. While most of my trust issues are based on experiences from my childhood, there’s one rule from my dad I now treasure above most absurdly strict rules he enacted:
“No dating until you are 30.”
That phrase (upon many other negative phrases I heard in my childhood) are drilled into my subconscious, something that dawned on me about a year and a half ago, when I found myself destroying a friendship in 2017. My dad’s logic is sound: your personal life and career will be in tact and manageable with romance being added to the mix. By that age, you might have an understanding of yourself and the type of person you’d love to grow with.
By my own nature, I have a “mean streak” for independence. I’ve taken DTA Don’t Trust Anybody/Anyone literally and figuratively. Personally, I’m working on learning to balance independence and dependence in friendships and family relations. At times, the dependency nature has once or twice gotten me to an unhealthy boundary in the past with friends (2017, I’m looking at you). In one of those situations I am working on rebuilding a bridge with a high school friend from a choice I made in 2015. In all these past mistakes, I’ve realized that my part of the story has been to blame. I relied too much on a certain emotional outlet that I had no experience in managing.
The next blog
I wrote another five hundred words on this subject but since this has become lengthy enough, I am post-poning the observation section for this upcoming Monday (February 11th). Check out any of the buttons to read my past thoughts on this subject. I also might sound a little harsh and critical on choices I’ve made in social situations but I hope to tune that down as this series goes along.
Below is also a list of subjects I’d like to cover this month, including:
Why social media changes the dating game
When a friendship goes south
Trust and Intimacy
You can follow me here on WordPress or on my original Twitter account. This weekend, I am merging my sports twitter I started last year. Sorry if you’ll see sports talk on your timeline, but I’ll try to not over-swamp either timeline with things no one wants to read. Maybe I’ll just post more photos of my cat. 😉