Originally, this blog was going to be about a different writing subject. I’ve already drafted that subject for later this week. Personally, I feel like I need to talk about something that some people try to avoid or even can’t get around to talking about.
The last blog I had written was at the beginning of September (09.2017) and it was the starting of the “taking stock” series. I plan on writing October’s blog this week. Anyways, what I wrote down about September being the worst month of the year for me, was an honest statement.
Year to date, September (along with February) have been the worst months this year. Both of those months, traditionally, are the worst months of the year. No matter what positive energy, meditations, etc. I hype during those months, I fall hard.
But I do not fail, in the end.
I try, with everything possible, to view September in a more positive light over the past three years. I love College Football. That, has always been the positive point of September. And while I use to drink Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks, that use to cheer me up during September too.
Tiny rant: Starbucks needs a Vegan PSL, please and thank you.
Why is September the worst of the three fall months for me? September always brings about change I personally feel I am never prepared for, or that I thought I was prepared for, but maybe I wasn’t. New job, new residence, or making new friends. September also reminds me about changes coming in the future that I am uneasy about: Where I am in life, Who I am surrounding myself with, etc.
September has also had some negative life events occur in my life. I have worked past those already. I wrote about this back in the spring of 2016, when I wrote about my childhood with my Dad. You can read (or re-read) about that article here. It’s deep and honest, just like this blog.
I am a summer child, Gemini-Cancer cusp kid. I love June (its always one of my better Summer months). I love gardening, I try to garden all year with indoor and outdoor plants. Sunflowers, roses, hydrangeas, etc. When we transition to fall, its like telling my inner child “it’s time to come inside now” when yes, there’s still sunshine outside and I just want to bask in the Sunshine, and smile. But the sunshine begins to fade into a darker shade, but it really doesn’t. It just feels that way.
Seasonal depression is one of the biggest draw backs of my personality. I use to not believe this was a thing until last year. Do you ever sense in July that the leaves have begun to change colors, the air feels denser and Fall is still two months away? Its only when we transition from summer to fall and winter to spring that I get these intense feelings (and knowing, internally, spiritually) that seasonal change is here. Whether I want it or not.
Now, what about the winter season? Actually, I am quite happy during the winter season, just not as content during the spring and summer months. I know that, because of the reduced sunshine outside, I have to force myself to spend more time outside, even when its freezing cold. Which is partially why I find snow beautiful. I have started finding grace in the small beautiful moments, especially snow.
How does all this affect my writing? It changes a lot of my writing habits and time.
Last year, during the National Novel Writing Month Prep Month of October, I was stuck in a deep, depression of mental health and I couldn’t get myself out of it to write. The only times I could get myself to write, was when I went out in nature. Which, became the focus of last years novel. Which, I am still writing and editing.
While seasonal depression during September to November is still here, I am actually proud of the writing suffering I struggled through last year that got me to where I am now. Last month (especially in the beginning half) I was in the “I’m stuck in this creatively blocked energy.” But after the 19th, the blocked creative energy turned inwards towards feelings of depression past creative energy. Once September ended, the depression lingered but the I could feel my creative energy begin to work its way back.
Friday night, I was back to practicing painting again. Last night, I had started my prep work for NaNo. Am I still depressed? Yes. The fact that I was able to step aside with a lot of hesitation, might I add and let the Universe take control of what I can not, began to start the clock work on bringing me back to my Divine self and my true, creative self.
If there’s anything I believe in, it’s that every person IS creative. Let me repeat that. Every person IS creative. We just have negative energy, karma, etc. blocking us from reaching our potential. For me, it was myself blocking myself. It sounds odd, but I wasn’t letting myself write on the emotions that were tolling me on the inside. Once I had begun to practice to let go of what I can not control, a lot of small inner workings begun to make sense.
If you are like me, and there is a month or a day that makes it difficult to breathe or survive, I have been able to use one technique for surviving September (until this year, but then it worked, right?). If you struggle with getting past a certain month of the year, forget what month you are living in. Just look at the number of the day. Pretend its just another month, but its the day that matters.
A lot of what we can accomplish can be done with the mind and self-will.
If you are depressed, like me, reach out to those who care. Now, I am the best, and worst at this. I have trust issues with friends and family. I am use to the same old story of someone comes in, helps, and then leaves. I have seen friends in the past never be able to handle me at my worst, during my worst days of September.
And self-love is another thing. This is one that I have used against me, in the past. I don’t mean to do that, I truly don’t. But sometimes its just me having to uncover deep, raw negative emotions, let them go, and move on. So weekly Eco-friendly bubble baths are my personal favorite, along with weekly creative artistic dates. Those allow me to love me at my best.
This was longer than I thought it would be but I hope (for those of us who can relate, and those of us who can not) find this enlightening. Feel free to follow me on Pinterest (there, right there) or on Twitter (seriously, Twitter is fun sometimes. Let’s bring positivity to Twitter).
Thank you for taking the time and reading this article. It was lengthy, but needed. Is there a month or day of the year that is always hard to continue to live positively around? Let me know on social media, or feel free to comment below.